Positive Emotional Tension: PET | Lesson 2

Positive Emotional Tension: PET | Lesson 2

There are many reasons why men fail to create emotional tension with women. I suspect that most of us can relate to most of the reasons listed below in
one way or another.
• Seeking a woman’s approval
• Avoiding risk
• Suppressing impulses
• Introversion, social anxiety, and/or poor people skills
• Discomfort with tension
• Lack of knowledge of the importance of emotional tension for
• Niceness
• Following social expectations
• Lack of passion in life
• Unconsciousness / trance states

So for men – whether single or in a relationship – any manner of approval seeking, holding back, repressing impulse, censoring, and avoiding risk – are all boring to women. These things don’t make you seem nice, they make you seem boring, weak, and passive. They just do nothing to turn a woman’s crank.

Here’s a checklist of things men in relationships tends to do which fail to create emotional tension for their wife or girlfriend (feel free to add things you do to the list)… When men in relationship do any of these things with any regularity, they fail to create any new emotional tension for their wife or girlfriend and they kill any emotional tension and attraction (and trust and sexual passion) that once existed in the relationship.
• Seek their woman’s approval
• Have no plan or direction
• Don’t set the tone and take the lead
• Repress their feelings
• Avoid conflict
• Try to please their woman
• Don’t set boundaries
• Put up with bad behavior
• Lie
• Fuse with their woman
• Repress their passion
• Try to get their woman in the mood to have sex
• Use covert contracts
• Act passively and/or passive-aggressively
• Withdraw and pout
• Act needy
• Seek validation
• Control
• Keep things to themselves
• Don’t rock the boat
• Defend themselves and make excuses
• Don’t keep their word
• Don’t say what they want
• Don’t follow through
• Don’t pay attention to detail
• Leave their woman in charge of the relationship
• Don’t take good care of themselves
• Don’t make their needs a priority
• Don’t know what is important to their woman
• Don’t give their partner a chance to give her unique gift
• Make their woman the cake of their life
• Force their woman to make all the decisions

I’ve come to a conclusion; if a woman is acting badly in any way towards her
man; it is the man’s fault. Did that get your attention? I really mean it. If a man is experiencing bad behavior from his wife or girlfriend, it is due to one of two reasons:
1. He isn’t creating any positive emotional tension for her and she is
unconsciously creating negative emotional tension (more about this
in Lesson Three) to try and stay attached to him, or;
2.She is an emotionally unstable and/or a badly behaved woman, and
the man is not willing or able to set boundaries and/or remove himself from her.
That’s it. It’s his fault. Nothing will change in a man’s life until he can own this

Bottom line, if you want to keep a woman interested over time (remember,
LTRs are not part of our evolutionary wiring), keep doing whatever you were
doing when she first became attracted to you, and then add to it, and mix it
all up regularly.

If a man really understands how much women need emotional tension in order to feel attraction, attachment, and sexual passion, he can do two things:
• Pay attention to all the things he does to try and minimize and/or
eliminate tension with a woman – and stop.
• Consciously do what he can to create positive emotional tension.

One of the amazing things about human evolution is the development of the
brain’s prefrontal cortex. This gives us the ability to be conscious observers
of ourselves and make choices that are not natural and/or easy, but which
promote growth within self and others.

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