1. Amygdala hijack is a defense mechanism currently in play. Kim resorts to amygdala hijack to protect the status quo in her life, even if that makes her very unhappy. This is dangerous to us.
2. Kim reacts to my offer to change her or fix her with an amygdala hijack, which for me is really about providing her with methods to allow her to change her life so as to meet her needs and her goals. She is very resistant to men (father, brother) telling her ***how*** her life can be better – she reacts to instructions. She wants to do it her way, be affirmed in her feelings and be in denial about poor results. This handicaps me, as I cannot change her and her negative mood swings harm me.
3. Kim desires change but often change does not happen, leading to great pain and suffering in her life, which creates loss, pain and suffering in my life. Her emotional life impacts mine, and when she’s unhappy, ain’t nobody happy. She does not control her emotions so as to not harm me or in order to protect me from her feelings. Kim is very resistant if I influencing her emotions rather than accepting them unconditionally, often to the point of amygdala hijack.
4. Loving Kim unconditionally means that my life with her will not change, even in areas where harm is done to me. Unconditional love is an acceptance of her status quo.
5. Loving Kim unconditionally means that there will be less and less sex in our life due to realities over which I have no control – survivor gray area. Regardless of what she says, or my behavior, her behavior indicates that she does not desire genital sexuality. It is possible that our marriage could be happy in every other area. I am unable to change her as a person, and she is very resistant to my influence.
6. I am struggling with my own emotional issues, which are:
– abandonment vs a mother’s infatuation
– neglect vs needs being met by a caretaker
– someone wants me, desires me, which affirms me.
– discouragement … no one wants me, Kim does not find me desireable.
– sexual feelings decline and disappear
– my praise of her is partially my affirmation of my own desire for her … fueling my fire for her.
– hope is my preferred antidepressant, so the loss of hope leaves me depressed.
– the loss of hope leads to a depression of romantic feelings..
– the loss of hope leads to loss of trust and the belief that I can rely on her.
7. I am struggling with my own sexual issues, which are:
– what she pretends to want sexually oddly coincidentally is exactly what I can’t do – to get hard, insert my cock and ride her to my orgasm while she is passive. But there is no desire for penetration with my hands.
– I do all the initiating in love making.
– her behavior is consistently non-erotic toward me.
– she does not indicate that she desires that I touch her genitals
– she does not touch mine
– she has not been present and participating in my having an orgasm for 4.5 years (since Mt Rushmore) and not much previously.
8. I am barred from her gray area which prevents my from adjusting my own behavior to be more attractive to her or less offensive to her. Although I don’t think this is that relevant – she doesn’t even know her own gray area. She has not read any books and knows nothing much about the topic at all.
9. Interacting with Kim professionally is likewise “I will do it my way and not cooperate with you, pastor.” It doesn’t feel like teenager rebellion, but literally “my way or the highway.” I am tempted to disengage from her entirely.
Original 5 issues:
– ? a thimble size capacity for learning new ideas that could help us with our life and problems
– ? A gigantic resentment of new knowledge and learning and any attempt at a husband attempting to change a life so as to make his life better. Not a lack of cooperation but an active drama problem causing interference in a better life
Three big things:
– sharing information, research, methodologies that might help her achieve her goals or meet her needs – we cooperate.
– sharing information or research specifically about losing weight, related to the stress of going to Israel.
– solving my problems with our sexuality, which are many. I feel unattractive and unwanted by her, rejected, put in the non-sexual friend box, denied what I want, told that I have no husband’s access to her body, that I need consent before touching her, there is no well of desire for me in her. I strive to have romantic and sexual feelings for her so as to fuel my passion with no results. I feel a loss of hope for our future, and a loss of interest interest in her as a waste of my investment of time and energy in loving her, that she has nothing to offer me except pain and frustration, etc.
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MilestoneRead All Blogs by EasterApril 17, 2022What is my evaluation?