I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “
Part of this maturity process, this growing up, means growing honest with yourself and all your feelings and experiences. And when we’re honest about our marriages, we have to admit that most of us have a lot in common. As we get and stay married, we all begin to realize the following: Whoa, my spouse and I really are two different people; This is harder than I thought it would be; No matter how hard I try, conflict is unavoidable, and, perhaps: If I want to see a change here, I’m probably going to have to initiate it myself. The problem is not coming to those realizations about yourself. As you already know just by picking up a book called The Self-Centered Marriage, I believe that calmly focusing on yourself and your true feelings is the first step toward creating the relationship you really want. The problem comes when those of us who eventually recognize these truths do so with a great amount of confusion and resentment. We recognize these truths, but we do not want to accept them, because, darn it all, it’s not supposed to be like this! We’re supposed to be compatible! We’re supposed to get along! We’re supposed to see problems from the same standpoint, and handle them the same way, and no one person should ever feel more responsible for making it better! Right?
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