I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “
The most powerful force you can introduce into your marriage is the simple power of calm. By centering on yourself, by staying both calm and connected, you have the power to stop any argument in its tracks, identify and change any dysfunctional pattern, and transform any relationship into one you’ve always dreamed about. By just staying calm and connected, you can remain focused on adhering to your principles instead of clinging to your anxieties. By staying calm and present, you can become a calming presence for your marriage and your whole family. I want you to imagine yourself as such a calming presence. Your wife attacks you verbally, for instance, accusing you of a slew of wrongs—some accurate, most not. With a careful pause, you calmly reply, “Honey, thank you for telling me; believe it or not I really do want to know how you feel. Please tell me more about how you really feel about all of this.” Your spouse is dumbstruck, not knowing who you are, or what she’s supposed to do next.
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