I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “
When we begin to willingly focus on ourselves, when we see and feel the self-destructive power of such emotional reactivity, we begin to see and feel everything differently. We recognize that each of us has had a strong hand in creating the very outcomes we were hoping to avoid. Each of us has played a major role in perpetuating the negative patterns we complain about. We also recognize that without one partner having the calm clarity of mind to stop this kind of destructive cycle, there’s usually no end to it in sight.
See, it’s good news to know that you’re a powerful, creative actor in your own life, even if you’re learning how your own knee-jerk reactions have created powerfully negative patterns. This is good news because it means, quite simply, that you also have the power to stop those patterns and create new, positive interactions instead. It’s also good news to learn about the power of screaming, because that means, quite simply, that all you have to do is stay calm.
Perhaps this means setting aside your resentments about your wife’s lack of expressed appreciation, and instead making an honest list of all the things you appreciate about her, and sending that list to her … without needing her to reciprocate in any way.
Runkel, Hal Edward. The Self-Centered Marriage (pp. 31-32). Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale. Kindle Edition.
Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/8APzuB1