But that is just no way to live. Even though we tried, it couldn’t last. Thankfully, we made it through the tough transition from forced sameness to balanced oneness. We learned that Bono from U2 was right, “We’re one, but we’re not the same.” Oneness means two different wholes coming together to form one, all the while retaining the separateness that makes the oneness so profound. If we were truly the same, then there’d be no magic, no mystery behind the life-changing connection that can truly be called “becoming one.” Believe me; you don’t want your oneness to mean sameness. Otherwise, you’ll be eliminating the very spaces between you and your spouse that make coming together meaningful and genuine. Your lives and choices would overlap out of obligation or fear of conflict; they wouldn’t continue to commingle out of the same individual “I do” that connected you initially.
Runkel, Hal Edward. The Self-Centered Marriage (p. 52). Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale. Kindle Edition.