Erin Dr. Henry Cloud’s Boundaries.Me
August 12 ·
Needing support and encouragement.
So a couple of days ago, I was 5 days postpartum to my 3rd baby. Dinner time came around, and I told my husband I am making dinner. He was outside in the evening doing yard work.
I got the water boiling for the noodles, then the baby starting crying for a feeding and my cramps were agonizing and didn’t ease. I knew it was going to take about 15 minutes just to feed him. My husband came in just in time. He was done with the yard work and was going to head to a store and the ice machine place. I asked if those can wait about 20 minutes and help me with dinner. His response was “You have a week or so to do this all by yourself! You told me you have dinner taken care of!”
I started to cry and I told him “I thought I did then the baby started crying and I am hurting really bad.” Then I told him”I just wanted my husband to help me…. never mind I will figure it out…” His response was “No you won’t! I dont expect you to anyways! I dont know what you are capable of!” All of this happened while I was feeding the baby. I shut down and continue to feed the baby and trying to get the energy to power through my cramps to do the dinner. Then he tell me “Do I need to call your mom and let her know you can’t watch your brother (he is 13)?!” (I have no clue where that came from). I told him ” that doesn’t need to happen, I need my brother here so he can help me with chores and meals. He will help me.” Then he went on saying he wants to be here to help this week. I told him you couldn’t anyways you have work to do that you pushed back from last week. (He has a self employed business and is the only income).
He chose to help me after all of his responses and didnt go to the places he wanted to go to.
Its been on my mind since then. I just need to tell someone who is willing to listen. I don’t got friends I can talk to about this stuff and marriage problems.
I want to quit on our marriage, but it will be difficult for our kids going back and forth between parents. I dont want that for them since we both grew up in that situation. I also know God has something great for us because he has blessed us with a beautiful dream home last year, kids and little blessing too. I just don’t know how long I can last with the emotional abuse and disrespect.
I am tired of all of these unfaithfulness of me, not trusting me, no empathy, not caring, being disrespectful towards me in front of the kids, family members and friends, not trying to actually love me, taking care/ being concerned of the house/yard more than me and my wellbeing, stop and actually listen to friends and strangers problems without interupting them but can’t do it for me. 😞
Thanks and prayers for me, my marriage, my kids. 🙏
David Oliver Kueker
“He chose to help me after all of his responses and didn’t go to the places he wanted to go to.”
I remember so many times when it would have been wiser for me not to vent, argue or complain, but just helped quietly and calmly. Just skip the venting. Makes me feel stupid now, because of the harm those words have done. “I’m good, but I’m not that good.”