The vast majority of both men and women report an equally strong desire for a close, emotional connection.

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “

But also know this. If you’re having these concerns, and any of these concerns bother you, then you can be sure of one thing: You do still want connection. And I believe your spouse still wants it, too. We all want it. How do we know this? First of all, look at the latest research, which coincides with my clinical experience as a marriage and family therapist. The vast majority of both men and women report an equally strong desire for a close, emotional connection. That’s right: Men report a strong, emotional connection as their main desire. You may find that hard to believe, thinking that all men want is a prostitute and a maid rolled into one, but the evidence is clear. Why else would all these men still be getting remarried, even after horrible divorces, even after finding out that second and third marriages fail at a rate of 60–70%? Why else would all the research say that married men are happier, have greater financial success, and live longer?

” Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/c3BAjzg

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all you have to do in order to build and enjoy the close marriage you’ve always craved is Calm Down, Grow Up, and Get Closer.

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “

The truth is this: You do not have to say all the right things at all the right times in order to have a great marriage. You do not have to know your spouse inside and out and sacrifice your life in order to meet his/her needs. As you will see, all you have to do in order to build and enjoy the close marriage you’ve always craved is Calm Down, Grow Up, and Get Closer.

” Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/gBeetp0

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If you want a warm, lasting marriage, you have to learn to keep your cool.

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “

If you want a warm, lasting marriage, you have to learn to keep your cool.

In The Self-Centered Marriage, “keeping your cool” does not refer to simple anger-management techniques or artificial rules of engagement (fighting fair). No, becoming ScreamFree in your marriage refers to something far more optimistic. Here, keeping your cool means discovering and holding on to your truest self, your “I”—and having the courage to openly pursue your truest desires—even in the midst of your greatest conflicts. It means willingly and calmly facing the natural fires of marital commitment, and actually growing up—and getting closer—through them.

Entering into such conflicts with integrity is not an easy task; it’s not supposed to be. Developing a marriage built on passion, commitment, and deep connection means committing yourself to a new way of relating. It means keeping your cool as you face conflicts with your spouse that may have previously set you off in some form of “screaming.” Being self-centered, being “ScreamFree” means holding on to your deepest desires for connection and boldly making yourself vulnerable … without knowing how your spouse will respond. It means viewing old marital patterns through new lenses, no longer seeing those patterns as indications of irreconcilable differences, but rather as opportunities to grow your personal integrity and transform your relationship. It’s not a journey for timid spirits, but the rewards are certainly worth the struggle.

” Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/5hAbGfn

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Part of this maturity process, this growing up, means growing honest with yourself and all your feelings and experiences.

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “

Part of this maturity process, this growing up, means growing honest with yourself and all your feelings and experiences. And when we’re honest about our marriages, we have to admit that most of us have a lot in common. As we get and stay married, we all begin to realize the following: Whoa, my spouse and I really are two different people; This is harder than I thought it would be; No matter how hard I try, conflict is unavoidable, and, perhaps: If I want to see a change here, I’m probably going to have to initiate it myself. The problem is not coming to those realizations about yourself. As you already know just by picking up a book called The Self-Centered Marriage, I believe that calmly focusing on yourself and your true feelings is the first step toward creating the relationship you really want. The problem comes when those of us who eventually recognize these truths do so with a great amount of confusion and resentment. We recognize these truths, but we do not want to accept them, because, darn it all, it’s not supposed to be like this! We’re supposed to be compatible! We’re supposed to get along! We’re supposed to see problems from the same standpoint, and handle them the same way, and no one person should ever feel more responsible for making it better! Right?

” Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/5VM6EU7

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Being married … requires us to develop a level of maturity that few other experiences in life can match

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “

Yep, almost everyone wants to get married. Very few of us, however, want to really be married. Being married, being really married, asks more of us than any movie could ever show onscreen. In truth, not even premarital counseling, or watching our own parents have a fantastic relationship, could adequately prepare us. Being married—being truly married for life—requires us to develop a level of maturity that few other experiences in life can match—a maturity characterized by intense vulnerability, generous amounts of forgiveness, and undying patience. And that’s all just in the first year! (And, of course, every year thereafter.)

As the years add up, marriage quickly stops feeling like a rom-com and starts feeling like a sitcom. “Marriage is like a never-ending, unfunny episode of Everybody Loves Raymond,” says a character in Knocked Up. Sometimes, it’s even worse, like an episode of Roseanne.

Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/bKyCgHC

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Your integrity is that part of you that carries the greatest potential for profound, love-affirming, and life-changing decisions

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “

Your integrity is the part of you that speaks loudest when you’re quiet, informing you of your most deeply held principles and the most passionate dreams for your life. This is the part of you that said, “I do,” and it’s the part that wants you to keep saying it (or at least wants to want you to keep saying it). Your integrity is that part of you that carries the greatest potential for profound, love-affirming, and life-changing decisions, and because of that, it is to your integrity that I am trying to speak most clearly. I am writing this book directly to your integrity, because your integrity knows that life and marriage are difficult, and that no growth in life or marriage can happen without clarity, challenge, and truth. Your integrity also knows what you want most, and the very fact that you’re reading this book testifies to your deepest dream: You want to experience a great marriage, one that offers warmth, maturity, peace, connection, and intimacy unlike anything you’ve ever experienced or enjoyed.

” Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/2B9Ncdm

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who have bravely chosen to end bad patterns and create new ones, all by simply Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer.

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel –

“These stories are real-life examples of real-life partners who have bravely chosen to end bad patterns and create new ones, all by simply Calming Down, Growing Up, and Getting Closer.

As you might guess, the names and details of these stories have been changed to protect confidentiality, but all the stories are true. And you can definitely find yourself in them. And yet, I will not tell you exactly what to do. Except for this: Hold on.

Hold on to your belief, however small, that you are not crazy and not alone—your marriage is difficult, very difficult, and that makes you just like most married people. Hold on to the hope that you are more capable of introducing lasting change into your marriage, and into your whole life, than you may know. Like the weary traveler caught in the thickest part of the jungle, the open meadow of calm joy may be closer than you realize. Most of all hold on to your integrity, another way to understand your “I,” that truest and most principled part of yourself.

” Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/cKEFJGD

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Seven Basic Principles

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “

Every Great Marriage Is a Self-Centered Marriage, because a great marriage takes two centered selves, working to develop themselves as individuals capable of living up to their vows and sharing of themselves for the others’ benefit, without needing the other partner to return the favor. And …

If You’re Not Under Control, You Cannot Be In Connection, because the greatest barriers to true connection with your spouse are not busy schedules or incompatible interests. The greatest barrier to real connection is your own “screaming,” your own emotional reactivity. Thus, learning to pause and think clearly is the absolute first, and best, step toward true intimacy. And …

It’s Not What You Have in Common, It’s What You Have Inside, because reliance on common interests and compatibility is the foundation for a superficial friendship, whereas reliance on personal integrity in the midst of constant change is the foundation for a deep, lasting marriage. And …

The Only Communication Skill You Need to Learn Is Authentic Self-Representation (ASR), because connection is not about using some artificial active listening technique. True connection is about fully representing your self (your thoughts, your preferences, your positions, your intentions) in word and action so that, at the very least, your partner has a chance to know you. And …

It’s Better to Get “Rubbed the Wrong Way” than Never to Get Rubbed at All, because in-your-face conflict is always a better path to true intimacy than cold avoidance, especially if you want to experience truly heartfelt connection (and possibly even mind-blowing, scream-filled sex). And …

If You Want a Warm Marriage, You Have to Walk through Fire, because every couple in every culture throughout history has had to negotiate several natural fires of commitment, and those partners who can keep their cool and walk through each fire with cool integrity have the best chance of creating a truly warm, close relationship. And …

Intimacy Always Begins with an “I,” because taking the risk of boldly pursuing your partner with your truest self, your deepest feelings and desires—in short, your “I”—is the only way to the close, naked, and even spiritual intimacy we all crave.

” Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/gvX0ahD

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when, of course, you have to be someone more. –CANDICE BERGEN

I thought of you when I read this quote from “The Self-Centered Marriage: The Revolutionary ScreamFree Approach to Rebuilding Your “We” by Reclaiming Your “I”” by Hal Edward Runkel, Jenny Runkel – “

I used to believe that marriage would diminish me, reduce my options—that you had to be someone less to live with someone else when, of course, you have to be someone more. –CANDICE BERGEN

” Start reading this book for free: https://a.co/48sCE2F

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Deep Word Writing Project Template

Deep Word Writing Project Template
Title:

Quote:

[1] Source

Note:

Questions: (input for note)
– SOW Questions
– Monroe’s Mountain questions
– Heath Made to Stick questions: SUCCESS

FLOW (Clarity of) Goals:
Satisfaction level today:

Set up plans to allow flow …
Achieve GTD Engagement and Execution clarity: WTD.
Plan for the 8 requirements of flow.
Outline the necessary planning steps to create the path toward conclusion.

FLOW:
THE PLAYING FIELD & RULEBOOK
1. Clarity of goals* and immediate feedback*
2. A high level of concentration on a limited field*
3. Balance between skills and challenge. Do-able. Within reach.#
4. FLOW: Go down the checklist* (at your best speed#) and SCORE!

FLOW CHECKLIST #1
1. Select item for focus now.
2. Add template
THIS IS THE PLAYING FIELD
3. Review quote … fix typos.
4. Title and subheads – draw game boundary lines (highlighted quotes)
GENERATE MATERIAL – RUN PLAYS
Template questions – SOW Questions – Monroe’s Mountain questions – Heath Made to Stick questions = plays
9. Conclusion – 2 yard line. Call to Action.
CLEAN UP
10. Editorial review – Spell check
11. Publish and celebrate

AoI/CS: Deep Work = read and respond to my own writing.
Deep Word is defined as deep work reached by pleasureable flow and ends in publication, typically on my blog. It is an extension of my preaching ministry.

MBA Purpose: As an architect of ideas, I add value to information
1. from a variety of sources (input),
2. to provide innovative spoken and written solutions (product) 
3. for intense and widespread human problems (market) 
4. in harmony with God’s will (evaluative process).

Use plans to measure enthusiasm and pleasure.

Turn partly done categories and ideas into project blog post templates.
I can then ask … do I want to do this … complete this? Begin this?

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